A few years ago, right after I had our 4th child, I was struggling. My husband is a farmer and works long hours 2 seasons a year (as in leaving before we get up, and getting home after we go to bed), so I felt really alone. I had a newborn, a toddler, and was trying to homeschool my older kids. The weight of it all felt overwhelming. I knew I needed to reach out for help.
We tried a few options, like getting babysitters, but it was a bit hit and miss.
And then it dawned on me to look in to getting an au pair.
So...we decided to go for it...and it was an INCREDIBLE experience for our family. If you're in a situation where this may be possible for your family, I'd love to encourage you to check it out.
Before I answer your questions below, I want to preface that this program is not for everyone. It is an investment, both financially and relationally, but one we felt like would enhance our family rhythm in great ways. Even though it comes with a cost, you'd be surprised with hose economical it is compared to babysitting!
Questions:
1) WHAT IS AN AU PAIR?
And au pair is someone (usually from another country) who comes to live with your family, and helps out with child related activities...hanging with the kids, doing child related chores, etc. They essentially become part of your family! You pay them a weekly stipend, and they work 40-45 hours a week!
2) WHERE ARE AU PAIRS USUALLY FROM?
Au pairs can be from anywhere in the world! I actually applied to be an au pair when I was fresh out of college, and then ended up finding a job so didn't go ahead with it. Our first Au pair was from Venezuela, our second au pair was from Argentina, and our current au pair is from Madagascar!
3) HOW DO I FIND AN AU PAIR?
There are many au pair agencies, the biggest being Cultural Care and AuPairCare. We don't live in a metropolitan area, so the only agency that serviced our town is called Agent Au Pair. We've had a good experience with them, and have had great relationships with the au pairs we've had.
We interviewed a lot of au pairs before picking. It is helpful to have a list of what you are hoping for, so that you can ask really good questions and get to know someone before they come. One of my main criteria is that the au pair be warm and very outgoing with our children. We looked for people who we truly connected with on the Zoom calls, and were kind and gracious to us. So far we've had very lovely au pairs!
4) WHAT DOES YOUR AU PAIR DO?
The main reason we initially needed an au pair was to help with my little boys while I homeschooled my older children. While I was teaching, our au pair would take the little boys for a walk to the park and play with them until we were done with school. Then we would all do lunch together. Since I am still with my children most of the day, our au pair helps with child related chores around the house. Each day she works on chores like folding the kids laundry, cleaning up messes they may spill, helping them keep their rooms tidy, making food for them, etc! I will also leave my kiddos home with her when I grocery shop, or need to get some work done on my computer.
It is really important to make a schedule each week with your au pair. We sit down every Sunday night and talk through the week, including certain events we have that week and what my expectations are for her during that time. On Tuesdays we have Bible Study in the evening, so she works 8-3, and then 1.5 hours in the evening when we are gone!
5) WHAT IS IT LIKE HAVING SOMEONE LIVE WITH YOU?
We love it. We've actually hosted international students in our home the last 9 years, so this wasn't anything new for us. We have 4 bedrooms upstairs that our family lives in, and then one bedroom downstairs that the au pair lives in. She is with our kiddos all day during working hours (unless she's helping around the house), and then she gets to do whatever she'd like on her off hours. On their off hours, our au pairs usually take walks downtown, call their families back home, or hang out with other au pairs in the area. So far we've had great experiences.
6) WHAT IS THE COST?
So, most agencies charge around 20K for the year. While this absolutely is an investment (and one we probably won't continue with now that our kids are getting older), if you break down childcare costs, this actually comes out way more economical. We were paying a baby-sitter $22/hour to watch our children. And if they ONLY watched our children for 4 hours each week day morning, it costs thousands of dollars more than having an au pair work 40 hours a week. So for us, the investment made sense for the season we are in.
7) WHAT IS THE BEST PART ABOUT HAVING AN AU PAIR?
So many things, but the top two are the extra support I receive and building such a sweet relationship!!! It is such a blessing to have another helping hand around the house. After our first au pair had been here a few weeks, I told my husband "I don't feel stressed and behind all the time!". I was able to do one on one things with each of my children, I was able to grocery shop alone, and my kids had such a special big sister playmate! Our kids have had so much fun building relationships cross culturally, and to me that's a huge in! We have also fallen in love with our au pairs, they truly become like family. We love learning about their culture, including the food (and they often make food from their country for us!!), and cultural customs. It is a special relationship!
8) HOW DO YOU HANDLE CONFLICT? WHAT IF IT ISN'T A GOOD FIT?
So far, we've been able to have honest and open communication with all our au pairs and haven't needed additional help. However, if there is a conflict that can't be worked through, your au pair agency will step in and help mediate. If for whatever reason the family and au pair are not a good fit, an au pair can go into "rematch" where they will find a new family, and the family will find a new au pair.
9) WHAT IF EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES COME UP?
This actually happened to us! 4 months in to having an au pair, we found black mold in our home. We had to move out of our home immediately, and sadly, that meant our au pair had to go as she needed to be with a family that wasn't constantly moving. So we had to say goodbye to her. We are now back in our home, and just got a new au pair!!
10) DO AU PAIRS GO ON VACATION WITH YOUR FAMILY?
It's up to you! If you'd like them to come, they can come. We took our au pair on many vacations to the beach last year, and it was so awesome to have an extra hand! However, you can also coordinate and give them time off during that time!
What else did I miss? Any other questions!!! Let me know! It's been such a powerful experience for us, and I'm so glad we went for it. We've made some amazing friends around the world!
